day #25: i want your hot body

it was cold and rainy in new york on day 25, so i decided that it would be the perfect day to accomplish one of my new york bucket list challenges - the russian and turkish baths. and even as i write this a day later, i still can't stop laughing.

the baths have been in the east village since 1892 - and is one of those places that i feel like you have to see and experience for yourself to believe it. it is operated by two feuding owners, so half the time it's run by david and the other half of the time it's run by boris (of course it's boris). each has their own staff and way of doing business which makes for an interesting business model. i happened to catch a boris week.

i went up to the counter and was greeted with a silent stare by the man behind the counter (boris?). he pulls out a slim locker drawer and still without talking, points to a small sign above him:

put valuables in drawer

then points to the small sign next to it:

your key number is the same as your valuables drawer and locker

and then points to the small sign next to that:

pay when you leave.

all of this was done in complete silence, but hiiii, boris i have questions! so i asked about the treatments they offer, and which one he felt was the best. clearly annoyed he says, in a thick russian accent, "all good. all by rosa. there she is. she tell you." i turn, and meet rosa. a short, stocky woman dressed only in towels. one around her body and one on her head. was there a bathing suit under there? i don't know, you can't worry about details like that at the russian baths. you just go with it. she says "come to me in 1/2 hour. we do mud"

there are a few different kinds of rooms, with supposed different purposes. i try the aromatherapy steam room first, but the only thing i can smell is the kitchen staff cooking the borscht (not kidding), and the only thing i can think about is how many sweaty new yorkers must have sat in the very same spot i was sitting. i can't relax, so i decide to switch saunas and then i see rosa barreling out of her treatment room and rush over to me. "you ready for me?" i say yes. she puts her hand on my chest, looks me in the eye and says in a thick russian accent:

"i want your hot body."

i try and surpress a laugh.

"what?"

she repeats again:

"i want your hot body"

and then gestures to the russian sauna room. OHHHH. she just means i need to go in the sauna beforehand...to get hot. i think. or it's a come on. i go into her shower lair, where she tells me to take everything off. (yep, come on)

"i can tell you're shy, you can use towel if you want. for cover"

ok.

i lay down, and when she comes back in she takes the towel off immediately, so...ok, not shy now? then she proceeds to slather me in mud all over my body, with the door open - so you're welcome everyone! then she let me set, and my whole body started tingling. after about 10 mins she came back, rinsed the mud off and scrubbed my whole body with what felt like a soft brillo pad? whatever it was, it was amazing. after that, i started to loosen up and enjoy myself. i tried all the rooms (there are 4) and even went up to the roofdeck to read, which was really nice.

aromatherapy steam room

redwood sauna

roofdeck!

my favorite room was the "hot body" room, or the russian sauana.  it literally feels like you walked into the surface of the sun, but there are ice cold buckets of water everywhere that you repeatedly pour on yourself to keep cool. i can't explain it, but somehow it was one of the best and most relaxing feelings i've ever had.

i stayed for about 3 hours and when i exited the facilities, i just started cracking up at everything that i had seen. rosa, wanting my "hot body." the russian staff who doesn't provide any instructions. and just the general crazy stuff you see during the women only hours. like the 80 year old woman naked in the common area, covered in mud doing different yoga poses (no). or the woman in the sauna loudly groaning (why?). and just the whole place which i really don't think has been updated since 1892. all in all, i'm really happy that i went and had a very weird, hilarious, amazing, relaxing new york-y day.

day 25 - complete!

xoxo
meags